Sexualities

So sexuality is quite possibly one of the most bizarre and complex concepts in our society. (Keeping the tone equally as deep and severe as always). Such complexity is perhaps why it astounds me that one sexuality is assumed for the entire population of the planet and a person is required to state otherwise. Within sexuality we are able to define sexual attraction as a separate division to romantic attraction and your orientation need not be the same in both areas. And further beyond this within each division of sexuality there lies spectrums of where you may lie. Those widely acknowledged, though admittedly not all respected, appear to be bisexuality, heterosexuality and homosexuality. Not only does "bi-erasure" exist whereby those who identify as bisexual are deemed "indecisive" and "greedy", with very few characters in the media being portrayed under such an identity, but there are many more sexualities that are totally foreign concepts. 

Before I get into what these other labels entail and additionally how they have come to be, the whole premise of labels must be dealt with. Numerous times in the past I have heard and seen people questioning the purpose of a label and why people make such a big deal about assigning themselves one. I feel like labels are a very personal part of our identities and that it helps to relate to a word summarising yourself in a way that then links you to a community of others. However I also recognise that we may be moving into a period where it is not as an important necessity to be defined by a certain label which proposes a further development - why does the need to befit a pre-existing identity prevail? Why do I have to be gay, straight, pansexual, cupiosexual etc? Am I not at liberty to go with it and just see what happens? It is this liberation, this new found emancipation from archaic concepts that suggests we need not be so quick to name ourselves. But I really do think this is a long way off, that people are comforted by a term that suits how they feel and in turn allows them to feel unified by it. This familiarity has led to dozens of new sexualities arising among platforms of social media and beyond. 

To say "new" sexualities would be a lie. There is nothing new about the feelings people experience which have, in fact, resided as long as humans have had the capacity to feel. The means of attraction have just been broken down and split up into much smaller brackets and there is so much more than just straight and gay. (Side note: gay can just be an umbrella term for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community). It is now recognised that there are people who have no attraction, very little attraction, attraction only to those identifying outside the gender binary and so on. I believe it is absolutely vital that everyone is aware that such sexualities exist and are valid - they are valid the moment someone chooses to identify as it and you nor I are in any position to erase that. I'm not going to sit here and list them all; I want you to take your own time to sit and educate yourself, use the incredible tools at your disposal to ensure you are not at risk of erasing such an ingrained element of someone's own individual identity. 

This also leads on to the very premise of heteronormativity. This expansion of the sexual spectrum must and should correlate to the wonders of the media - it is social media itself at the hurricane's eye of the advancement we have before us. And yet other forms of media are so far behind. You barely have to turn your head to see that the representation of, well, anything that isn't heterosexual, is appalling and astonishingly low. In adverts, films, TV shows, books magazines and everything else imaginable we are graced with straight couple after straight couple. So when, in the social justice side of twitter and tumblr you see the words "I hate straight people" adorning someone's profile and your straight pride is severely damaged, please step back and assess the situation. It is similar in this effect to reverse racism: masses of social structures celebrate and give power to heterosexuals and allow them to advance while others trail far behind, facing the aftermath of what straight privilege allows. Someone saying that they "hate straight people" is essentially them hating the institutions and social concepts created by straight people to benefit themselves. 

Moreover, determining our society as one of progression does not factor in the ways in which we have progressed. While, yes, there has been extraordinary improvement in comparison with how it once was but we've entered an age where gay relationships are now fetishised. The classic "gay best friend" exclamation after someone comes out suggests that our society is accepting of homosexuals only when they exist to serve a purpose to the heterosexuals. Despite common belief, gay people are not pets nor are they yours to befriend the minute they publicise their sexuality. Far less are guilty of critiquing gay pride festivals and the like but so, so many people are quick to pull the gay best friend card and every time it is used, the gay community is objectified and their individual identities erased for your gain. 

This has been a complete mess and compilation of a few things running through my mind. I think, at a glance, we can look at sexuality by its face value. But it is genuinely a very overwhelming and complicated matter and is not made an easy one to discover ourselves when so much of it is shamed and fetishised and still not accepted across the world. Given its importance to many individuals it is also an easy mistake to take it as an entity, that sexuality is all that makes up a person. We are all more than our parts and if we are able to find a way to accept and love who we are, it shouldn't matter what anyone else believes. Please don't rush into trying to label yourself and remember the most important thing I want you to take away from this: sexuality is fluid. You have every right to change your mind as frequently as you please and anyone who can't accept that about you isn't worth having around. 

Charlotte