I have a feeling this is going to turn out like a broken record but, then again, I have very little to lose. When I first made this blog I had already written a post vaguely along these lines and the whole theme has come up again recently with the new year, particularly among teen culture. Self love is the single, most valuable and important thing in the world. It is extraordinarily fragile and tiring to maintain but, regardless, is hugely important. I hate to quote my mum on this because she is normally right about the vast majority of things, but saying someone "loves themselves too much" is insane. How can someone possibly love themselves too much? Why is it not okay for us to love who we are and the way we look? Why should people who do so be ridiculed for it? It appears to be a recurring them in pop culture too. For lack of a better example, the first One Direction single "What Makes You Beautiful" is the prime example. In the lyrics, the girl is only beautiful because she doesn't know it.
I've heard numerous people suggest that people are made more attractive by them not knowing they are attractive. Is that not only a morally awful concept, but also highly damaging? We shouldn't be enforcing the message that a) our attractiveness is measured in how other people see us and b) self hatred makes us more appealing. It shouldn't matter what other people think of us as long as we are content within the bodies we have. The whole premise that someone is only beautiful if they themselves don't believe they are is just undeniably detrimental. Think about it for a second. We are telling young children (in an intensely emotional period of their lives) that they need to be hating their bodies in order to increase their appeal to others. Self love isn't about anyone else. It's about you. It shouldn't be frowned on to like yourself! Surely, it has to be better than the alternative?
Is it not bad enough that the media constantly and perpetually tried to tell us what beauty looks like, giving it a specific number on weighing scales and an ethnicity too? We shouldn't be building on that! We should be telling the young generations that the media is wrong and that you don't have to be skinny, blond and white to fit the label of beautiful. I feel like its all to obvious that this is just another instance where we've allowed the media to warp reality and it becomes the primary force guiding our morals. I want to believe in meliorism, I really do. I know that if one person has the capacity to believe in a society where we are allowed to actually be ourselves, free of remorse, then it's a belief that anyone can hold. We just need to remove ourselves from the situation for like, five seconds, and realise that it is not ugly to love yourself. What is ugly, is making people think that they need to hate the way the are in order to appeal to anyone else.
This is prevalent everywhere - so many songs in the charts convey this very concept and that is why it's such a huge issue. Body dysmorphia is a real thing and we aren't helping at all with our archaic, backwards beliefs. I'm just exploring my own thoughts here, but this is surely a feminist issue. Girls take the brunt of the media's idealised beauty (not to excuse others impacted by the way we are expected to look, just hear me out) and the sheer heteronormativity in pop culture alludes to most of the pop anthems sung by men being about women. If it is primarily girls being told they need to be uncomfortable in their bodies, dislike the way the look and tone down the self confidence to appear attractive to a male then this is just another imbalance of power between genders. It is another example of where girls are still being taught these meek traits in order to submit to a male counterpart, and quite frankly it's repulsive.
This is relatively short because I don't think there is really too much to even say. It's not a difficult thing to get your head around that it is disgusting to teach people that self hatred is the way to achieve affection from other people. I don't know that in this day and age self respect is even possible. We are so programmed to hate our bodies if we don't fit a certain image and, when asked to name traits both physical and otherwise about ourselves that we like, it's probably one of the most difficult things to do. I am absolutely as guilty of this as anyone else. But we can all at least give it a shot this year, to learn to actually love and respect ourselves for the sake of ourselves and no one else. Happy New Year!
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